March 23, 2019
Running makes me feel alive. Seriously, it does. And not only my husband probably reads this with the expression of total disbelief on his face. I know - for a lot of people it feels like quite the opposite.
But I don’t mean alive in a sense that everything is awesome. By alive I actually mean the entire bandwidth life has to offer. Going back to my 5th half through my beloved Wahlheimat NYC I ran through all emotional states you can imagine. I felt fresh and confident at the start; like a teenager full of energy on the Manhattan bridge crossing from Brooklyn to Manhattan; okay on the long stretch of the FDR during which I was impressed by the water police boats having the back of 25,000 fellow runners and inspired to deeper thoughts by the hospital I passed where I just recently had a small surgical procedure; in pain and only able to walk through Times Square where the energy around me was actually most bustling; touched and newly energized by seeing my husband and our dear friends for the third time just 2 miles short the finish line; old, sick and full of doubt in beautiful Central Park on the East side; and yet finally entirely happy on Central Park West behind the finish line. That’s what alive means to me.
“Don’t be afraid to feel, look for trouble!” Jeff S., my yoga instructor said a while ago. Smart man! Isn’t it true that we train ourselves in avoiding to feel? No tears at work, shhhh - not too loud laughs at the theater, kneeling only at church ... and pain? Not at all!
And there are all kinds of little and big helpers prepared to numb the feelings. Alcohol, pain killers, more work ... And what about Instagram, Facebook, Twitter? Is indulging in someone else’s feelings also a form of avoiding one’s own? And even more so, isn’t the devilish master social comparison a great buddy when it comes to suppressors like “OMG, she looks really so much older, I think I’m ok”.
Truth is what another yoga instructor said the other day: “Everyone has their own little drama going on their mat.”
Sometimes in life it’s a good idea to let the drama happen and indulge a little in it. If you feel the pain you know you’re alive.
Stay strong! And weak, too! Yours, Sonja
The author, Sonja Kirschner, is 40 years old, originally from Mannheim, Germany which she left 5 years ago to work and live in the New York metropolitan area. She has worked in different Human Resources roles for 15 years, all of them focusing on the development of people. Currently, she is in the process of getting her coaching certification. She has a master’s degree in Psychology and loves supporting people to reach their life goals. Please leave a comment or send a PM to connect.